Grief: A break of attachment; the leaving behind something you love
I have just attended a talk by Amy Florian (www.corgenius.com); and it dawned on me that we have all been taught to grieve the loss of life. According to Florian there are six major causes of grief, and I guarantee we are all grieving through this “upside-down world” we find ourselves in.
Florian lists the below as the 6 major causes of grief:
The depth of the attachment together with the combination of the losses equals the depth of the grief.
As an example, the loss of a partner will be relationship loss, material loss (one may have to leave the family home), role loss (one is no longer a husband or wife), Intrapsychic loss (the future you planned together) and depending on the cause one could also have lost faith in the healthcare system and experienced systemic loss.
Covid 19 has not only bought about deaths of many people due to the virus but a immeasurable amount of grief in different ways. The newly appointed head girl who will not get to lead her school face to face; the first team rugby captain who will never get to flip the coin; a dream we were so close to living; a holiday we had to cancel; the relationship that didn't make it; the loss of income. I am sure we can all find something we have lost and are grieving over.
How do we help each other through this grief?
Florian provides some great advice:
1. LISTEN TO THEM (and then listen some more) be a companion, invite them to tell their story and most importantly let them name it.
2. ASK GOOD QUESTIONS: Ask open ended questions. “What do you wish people knew about what this is like for you”; “What do you have on your to do list, that I might be able to do for you”
3. CHECK UP ON THEM: Don’t expect a grieving person to phone you, grieving people don’t like to impose.
The most important thing according to Florian is to let them tell their story, the purpose is to make it real, encourage them to name the grief and move through it, this will take years.